I'm 30 week pregnant. While planning for the pregnancy I already had an overwhelming, paralyzing fear of childbirth pain. Interventions, such as epidural anesthesia, did not comfort me, because the thought of needles in my spine was equally awful. Actually, a cesarean section under general anesthesia seemed like an only bearable option. This wasn’t an option of course, even if it were possible, because of all of its implications. As soon as I found out that I was pregnant I knew that I had to get help right away and prepare myself for the birth or I was going to be in fear and stressed, and I knew that it was leading to spasmodic labor and a body that doesn’t cooperate during childbirth. First, I got some literature from which I found out about doulas, and then, by chance (or by God's providence), I came in contact with Petra when I was about 20 week pregnant. I expected the doula to be the only one person with me in childbirth because I wanted to avoid any negative emotions in the delivery room (husband’s pity or fear, mother’s "grit your teeth we‘ve all been through it" and so on). I wanted someone experienced and neutral to tell me to relax if my body, my hands, my face or throat tensed, someone to help me focus on breathing, find the ideal position for going through contractions and to massage me with essential oils. Something like a coach at an important tournament. However, I got much more than I expected. In the first few appointments, Petra helped me to face my fears, dug up the buried causes from childhood, helped me strengthen my self-confidence and faith in the wisdom of the body, and helped me to release the belief that I must or can control the course of birth or my body reactions. I learned to accept every possible outcome, but at the same time I visualized the childbirth I wanted, empowering and natural, without interventions and not the one that "is forgotten once the baby is here." I don’t want a trauma I need to forget. I want an experience that will transform and empower me, whatever that is. Now I enjoy my pregnancy and despite the feeling of awe towards the process of childbirth, I am no longer dominated by fear. I continued with prenatal yoga with Petra, which, besides the obvious physical benefits of building up strength and flexibility (even with a quite big belly I managed to get my toe nails done by myself :-)), also made a progress emotionally. I learnt to be in myself. I learnt to breathe, relax and be aware. I learnt to control and manage my body from the inside. In fact, I was one centimeter dilated and I had to rest. Every time I went to yoga, I visualized strongly and clearly that my uterus becomes stronger to sustain the burden of pregnancy until the end. At the checkup my doctor was surprised to see that my cervix extended so much that it somehow overlapped and closed - that was, how she said "impossible." I believe I greatly influenced this outcome with my work "from within" with Petra’s great help. Now I am looking forward to seeing what the future has in store for me and I'm going ahead with my preparations, as if I were going to the Olympics. I believe every woman should have the best possible preparation for giving birth, both physically and emotionally. Going into labor without proper preparation is, for me, like taking an exam or going to a competition without preparing. Maybe you would get lucky and everything would go great, but you will probably experience some discomfort. We live in a time when we are removed from nature and our natural processes, and it is good, at least in these blessed moments, to look into yourself and possibly correct some of the misguided beliefs, the underlying toxicity or irrational fear, all to help our little ones to be welcomed in the most beautiful way and have a fresh start.
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